Hunting the Wild Cow
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by: Guest
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Word Count: 905
I have a friend that's quite the story teller, he related this story to me several years ago, I took it as fiction until the other day when, at the fourth of July party, he produced pictures of his adventures with "feral cows".
When I was working as a plant electrician there was a guy I worked with, first impression was, more country and more backwoods than the Beverly Hill Billies - but one of the sharpest people I've ever met. He was one of those people that could make friends with anybody, so we quickly became friends and because we worked swing shifts we would keep each other entertained with some story telling.
One particularly boring night while sitting in the shop Lynn says, "Ever hunt wild cow", I look at him, "You don't hunt cows", "Not regular cows, wild cows, cows that live in the wild", I thought, this should be good. "Okay, how do you hunt wild cow?", Lynn can see the, ok I'll just humor him, look I had on my face. "No, I'm serious how do you think I got this limp? I got gored", "Alright, tell me". Lynn starts his story like this, "There's this old fella that lives up next to me that came over and asks me if I know of anyone that can round up some cows for him. I tell him, "I can do it, where are these cows?", "They're still on the farm", I ask, "When did they get out?","About 2 years ago". I'm listening to this old fella, thinkin he's lost more than cows, but I'll go up and take a look.
We get up to his farm and he takes me to the barn, it's a wreck Jess, I tell him, "No cows here, I'm going home", he says, "They'll be here, it's easy enough to catch them it's just not so easy to keep them". We went back and broke out the chess board and the crossword and waited for the cows to come home. Around 10:00 in the evening he says, "They should be in now", we go out to the barn, sure enough they're in there. I tell him that I'll just get them in their stalls, he tells me, "Fools rush in", but I ignore him. I get a few in the stalls then I get to some especially scraggly looking ones and try to lead her to the stall, next thing I know I'm spinning across the floor grabbing my knee. Those scraggly cows headed out the door makin more noise and breakin more stuff, the old fella was right. I ignored him and got hurt, I went to the hospital got fixed up, but now it's "Cow huntin time".
Alright, these cows got the best of me and after seeing what happened the old guy says he'll have'em put down, I tell him I'll put them down, rend them and deliver'em, to whoever, for nothing! The old fella says, "I can't let you do that, you've already been hurt", I tell him not to worry, I'm doin it long range.
I got set up on the edge of a field where the old fella says they show up; and they did, I bring up the 30-06 and spot'em through the scope. I see them, they see me and... no way, shes backing off outta sight. I spot'em two or three more times and the same thing happens, time to move in closer, so I jump on the 4-wheeler and head out. It wasn't too long before I got'em chased down and was trying to round them up when the leader wheels around on me and drives me away. I went back at them to spook'em but was chased off by the same one; one last time and again I get pushed off, but this time I get rolled into a little ravine.
After crawling out of the ravine and having a look around, the cows are gone and my 4-wheeler is a wreck; I hear rustling and then thrashing in the ravine I just crawled out of, I walk over 20 feet or so from where I was and there she is all rolled up in a steep part of the ravine. She's bad, broken leg, she's not getting out of there. So, I do the necessary thing and put her out of her misery, now, how am I going to get her out? To make a long story short I can't, she's too heavy so I field dress her there, by this time my son shows up and snaps a picture when I'm elbow deep in entrails. We winch the carcass out of the ravine and then to the rending shop. My son asks me, "Want to go get those others?", "Are you nuts, the one nearly killed me, let'em alone".
So, Lynn ends his story and he's bombarded with questions, the story and the questions last most of the party. My sister-in-law says, "Lynn monopalized most of the party", I say, "So? There hasn't been any fighting, nobodys drunk and trying to drive, your daughters boy friends haven't been pawing them all night, it hasn't been the normal fiasco it usually is every year and you'll probably get help cleaning up this time".
Afterwards I ask Lynn, "True story?", he says, "What do you think?", then he laughs. I think it was pretty smart.
Related: Hunting the Wild Cow
Additional information:
Hospital Lists from various times during the Civil War. Map of Richmond, showing the known locations of the wartime.
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