The Top 10 Relationship Success Secrets That Everyone Ought to Know
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As a couple s therapist, I ve seen a myriad of relationships styles.
People who come in for counseling are clearly looking to change something they see problematic in their partnership. The problems range from the relatively benign tweaks in communication to serious pain and trust violations due to infidelity and all sorts of issues in between.
Filtering through all of this, I ve identified ten characteristics of successful relationships. These qualities are integral parts of a healthy relationship foundation and I believe increase the chances of weathering the storms that life inevitably dishes out.
The Top 10 Characteristics of Successful Relationships
The ten characteristics are as follows and are in no particular order: 1. Friendship
Couples who have a strong friendship have staying power. They not only love each other but genuinely like each other
It s the great mood lightener. I ve noticed the use of funny nicknames can be an indicator of great fondness for one another. The names often stem from a "you had to be there" moment from the beginning of their relationship. 3. Communication
As obvious as this may seem, many couples are not very good at it. Those who are able to openly express their feelings in an emotionally safe environment
Chore Sharing
Those who divvy up the household or parenting responsibilities in a way that is mutually agreed upon way are less likely to hold resentments about what they perceive as "unfair." Each participates (albeit maybe begrudgingly) and both contribute to the relationship in this way.
5. Sexual Intimacy
Couples who have their sexual needs met
There is no "right" or "wrong" amount. However, often times a negotiation is needed to make sure no one feels neglected by the other.
6. Affection
Partners who stay in physical contact in some way throughout the day have appeared to be the happiest ones. These moments don t need to necessarily lead to sexual intimacy but are rather easy ways to say, "I love you," without the words
These moments can be invaluable, especially these days when everyone seems to be racing around to get "somewhere." Whether it s a hug, kiss, swat on the rear, tussle of the hair or a sit on the lap, these acts of affection keep couples connected when life gets crazy.
7. No "Horsemen of the Apocalypse:"
This is a term coined by a famous couples researcher named John Gottman (www.gottman.com
His "four horsemen of the apocalypse" are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. His research has shown that couples who demonstrate a high level of these in their relationships are in big trouble.
8. Mutual and Separate Friends
Partners who socialize with other couples and also maintain separate friendships have greater balance in regards to honoring themselves as individuals, within the relationship. This leads to more self satisfaction which translates to relationship satisfaction.
9. Reliability
Most of us want follow-through with our friendships and our partners. If couples do what they say and say what they do, they create an atmosphere of comfort in knowing their words mean something to the other.
10. Relationship Vision
It s interesting the number of couples I ve seen who don t seem to have the big picture of their relationship in mind. Where do they see themselves in ten years? What are their relationship goals? Couples who have created a relationship vision for themselves know where they re going as they ve planned it together. They get joy out of reaching for their goals as a team and are less likely to be derailed by surprises down the line.
Lisa Brookes Kift is a Marriage Family Therapist Registered Intern working with individuals and couples in San Diego, California. She is also the author of other articles on relationships and mental health issues which can be found in numerous online publications and her blog titled, "Notes from a Therapist s Chair, at http://lisabrookeskift.blogspot.com
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Related: The Top 10 Relationship Success Secrets That Everyone Ought to Know
Additional information:
From www.americanchronicle.com:
If you or someone you know is struggling with serious mental or emotional issues, please consider contacting a marriage and family.
The goal of our program is to produce excellent clinicians. Of course, that means a solid grounding in theory. In fact, we admit unashamedly.
The marriage and family therapist will consult with all involved in the problem including parents, spouses, children, friends, school.
The Florida Board of Clinical Social Work, Marriage and Family Therapy and Mental Health Counseling licenses and regulates clinical.
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