Post partum depression
I have just had my third child and am a sufferer of postpartum depression. After my first child I had the baby blues. The second child brought horrible thoughts of my husband cheating, etc. for 6 weeks I woldn't speak to him and finally at my follow up ob/gyn appointment opened up to my doctor. He promptly put me on Zoloft because it was something he truly felt Zoloft could help and it did. Funny thing with Zoloft though, during my third pregnancy it made me so sick I couldn't leave the bathroom (vomitting, dizziness, hot flashes, diarhea, you name it, it was happening to me).
Fortunately, it was easy to wean myself off of it and I truly didn't need it during the pregnancy. After the baby was born, just 8 weeks ago, I continued to feel wonderful. Then out of nowhere, and I mean no where, I woke up in a state of panic - vomitting uncontrollably, numbness in my left arm, difficulty breathing, hot flashes. I ended up in the ER where they ran some tests, told me to stop breastfeeding and start taking a Xanax when the attacks came on...and of course to follow up with my family practictioner on Monday. Together, he and I tried the Zoloft, the Paxil, Effexor....all of them made me sick and left him wondering if maybe the panic attacks were so great that they were actually causing the medications to react the way they were; it was almost as if they triggered more panic attacks. I became so afraid that I couldn't even take the Xanax. My husband convinced me to go back to my ob/gyn and the moment he saw me and heard the pain and 'bad thoughts' that had now consumed me, he sent my to a psychatric hospital where I spent six days.
But you know what, I'm back on my feet and feel that there is hope for a succcessful recovery. What I learned while I was there is that if you're already on antidepressents before or during pregnancy you're that much more at risk for postpartum depression and that it will be that much more severe. I also learned that traditional antidepressents, like Zoloft don't typically work for the postpartum woman, particularly with anxiety and panic because of the fluctuating hormones; you have to first stabilize and get control of the panic attacks. So, the first day I was there I was placed on lithium and 2.5mg of klonopin (sp?). I take the 1mg in the morning and the larger dose at night. Am I tired, absolutely, but my children and I are still alive and I don't have 'bad thoughts' anymore.
My husband has been a real trooper, considering he never new what was going on....just that mommy slept in the bathroom last night and now she can't get out of bed. When I was released from the psychiatric hospital my therapist made me tell my husband what had been going on; he was shocked, scared, and beside himself because I had fought so hard to hide it from him - like I was some sort of lepper. That aside, no one knows how long i'll have to take these medications, but I trust my psychiatrist and having that trust is key. If you're going through what I've been through or anywhere near to what I've been through you have no choice but to get help.
Medical doctors are great, I love mine, but postpartum is a psychiatric matter and it needs a professional who is trained in matters of the mind and how to restore chemical imbalances. Get help and don't feel guilty - you're worth every second that you put into your treatment and your child depends on you more than anyone else in the world. Last week I wanted to die, I had it all planned, today, I am feeling stonger, the fears of another attack are diminishing and I have a new appreciation for every member of my family and my husband has a new appreciation for me - it's been a tragic experience, but our family is stronger for it.